The most awaited dream ever

2 days ago, i got mimpi yg paling buat aku rasa puas hati..

Masa tu dlm kem, some kind of kem pengakap.. and i was looking at the carta organisasi, i was my name..

Nurul Firzanah Baso
Kem Komandon

Bila tengok tu mcm, wow ok aku kem kom? Hahaha ok la tu.. and i was there tgh handle kursus utk newbies.. kiranya budak pengakap fresh lagi la..

Then, ada 3 org scout baru dtg..

One of them is the person that really sampai skrg made my chest feels tight even from her name.

Beyon

So, dorg 3 org ni, came to report to me.. and i was like being professional la as any kem kom would do kan..

Then lepas tu, i approached her..

"Kamu tahu ka siapa saya"
"Tahu puan"
"Kamu tahu ka siapa saya"

Then her face started to berubah

I approached her.

"Ingat nama ni betul2. Nurul Firzanah Baso. Kau pernah ambil kebahagiaan aku dulu."

Then i left her with the most cynical smile i ever gave to a person..
..and left her hanging, looking speechless.

And that was the most satisfying i ever had.

Oh..and if you happen to read this mus, pls know, i'm still waiting for an apology for what had happen 2 yrs ago.

Maybe it's time for you to muhasabah balik why your life is a mess right now.

And jgn salah sangka.. aku x berdendam langsung dgn kau..and aku sda maafkan pun kau.. wounds heal, but scars stays forever.

But to forget the pain that i felt, nope.
I will remember it, until the day you will feel the urge to apologise to me for what had happen in 2017.

Permulaan yang baru (?)

Kita merancang..
Allah pun merancang..
Kadang apa yg kita rancang tu, berlainan. Bahkan berlawanan dgn apa Allah rancang untuk kita..
Tapi yakinlah, Allah adalah sebaik-baik perancang.

Tbh, skrg ni bukan masa yg sesuai utk aku bercinta or komited dgn apa2 hubungan. Aku patut fokus untuk selesaikan study ku yg suda 2 tahun terlambat dari org lain. Tapi aku x kisah..as long as aku banyak belajar benda lain.

Again, as for my relationship with nizam, it wasn't all rainbow and sunshine.. aku sendiri pun belum yakin adakah my rship with him will work out? Idk, and i was afraid. But he reassured me, that everything is going to be fine.

Hubungan yg dimulakan dgn niat ke arah perkahwinan mmg lain dugaannya. Betul kata org..bila kau ada niat mau menghalalkan seseorang, dugaan dia ni nda bole bincang betul oh. Gara2 benda sekecil kuman pun boleh buat gaduh and ended broke up the relationship. Aku mmg half bersedia utk ke alam rumahtangga ni, tp ada banyak benda aku kena belajar lagi...

Especially pasal perangai dia ni.

Yes, mmg dia ckp..if ada org lain berkenan dgn aku, i should accept him. Entah la..mungkin someday ada la kali, or mungkin tiada langsung. But as for me, aku akan anggap ni cuma dugaan utk kami.

Lagipun, ni cara utk kami x terjerumus dlm zina lagi. Our past had broke us.

Aku still akan stay here. Mungkin yalah masa ex aku dulu pun aku stay and ended up being depressed. But kali ni, aku xkan bergantung dgn diriku semata2..

Lahawla wala quwwata illa billah..

Tiada daya dan tiada kekuatan kecuali dgn pertolongan Allah.

And we'll see how it goes.

Kalau betul dialah orgnya, maka jadilah.
Kalau bukan, sesungguhnya Allah Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang.

The rainbow after the rain 🌈

Itu lah org ckp.. yg dtg kemudian tu mesti lebih baik..insyaAllah..

2017 was my worst year ever..
and was yours too..

I was abandoned after jeopardizing my maruah, just because I believe it was 'love'.
You were cheated, because you care for someone so much.

We, sacrificed a lot, for the sake of the people we love back then. A lot. Then, shit happens and there we were. Struggling to be happy after being traumatized.

We've been through a lot.
We sacrificed ourselves fot the people that we love.

We too, deserve to be happy.

You may not be the first, but i'm praying that you'll be the last.
I'm not perfect, but i want to be the perfect piece to your flaws..
I may not the prettiest, but i will make sure to have the prettiest akhlak for us..

Perjalanan kita masih jauh..
Kita xtau lagi dugaan apa yg akan tunggu di masa depan..
Tapi, apapun dugaan yg kita hadap.. kita doa banyak2 dgn Sang Pencipta cinta.. sebab dgn bantuan Allah, kita boleh lepas segala dugaan yang kita akan hadap nanti..

Aku tau, and aku tau sangat kau tahu.. dugaan melangkah ke alam perkahwinan tu macam mana. Aku sebenarnya takut, risau, bimbang.. kalau2 suatu hari nanti, kau berubah hati sebab aku tidak sempurna.. Aku juga takut bila satu hari nanti, aku yang berpaling tadah disebabkan kekurangan yg kau ada.

Padahal, aku tidak mau kita berpisah.
Biarlah yg pisahkan kita hanyalah kematian.

Aku melihat kau membanting tulang empat kerat untuk mencari rezeki, untuk keluarga mu, untuk menghalalkan ku..aku jadi terharu.. belum pernah aku nampak seorang lelaki, berusaha keras untuk dapatkan hatiku.. bila kau cakap kau mahu berjumpa orang tuaku, dan tidak mahu kita berteman tanpa restu orang tuaku, di situ aku tahu..

Yes, you are the one i've been looking for all this while.

Sesungguhnya rancangan Allah itulah yang paling indah.

Aku harap, kita kuat sama2, doa banyak2, semoga urusan kita dipermudahkan.. amin..

#roadtobaituljannah
#NF ❤