thinking of you

bismillahirrahmannirahim

assalammualaikum alls!

mau tnya ni..
what do you girls think getting back with your ex ?

bkn la mau apa la kan.. but then.. he was too nice bah for me.. even after 6 months..i torture his feelings and hurt him,.. he remained strong.. i know he is who he is now because of what i did ..

i know what i did was a very huge mistake..
i said i'm going to wait for the other one..but then kan.. i thought about it thoroughly.. he was my first love and forgetting about him was not as easy as pushing the 'delete' key on your keyboard and simply throw it in the recycle bin.. *man i wish it was that easy* i took wayyyy to much time.. and then i left you..

the one who was always there for me throughout my ups and downs..

trully dear you.. I'M VERY SORRY for what i did to you..
at that time kan..bila u got the tawaran to enter Politeknik.. i was really happy ya.. sangat happy.. i was really worry about your future if u continue A-level.. yes i may look like i was ignoring but u have no idea how happy i was..

then.. masa yg u got financial problem masa mau pegi sana.. how i wish i could give u my pocket money just to help you..but i can't.. the money itself cukup2 seja for my belanja..

did u remember yg i post about you cannot make your own decision.. i know i misinterpret your problem..i'm sorry.. i didn't know your problem was really that bad.. :( i should have watched my words.. i should have give you support..not blaming..

i know my actions spnjang tempoh sblum we broke off until the aftermath made u serik and kebal suda dgn my words and perangai kan? nevermind.. it was me.. i treated you like you're some kind of toy.. jahatkan aku? trully.. aku sgat2 minta maaf.. to forgive me or not..ups to u.. :(

erm..about lying to you.. i didn't lie about waiting for that other guy..i was waiting for him.. and i didn't lie when i said you cannot replace his place deep down in me..

but hey.. i was done with waiting.. it made me wondered..manatau kami 1 ibu susuan kan? it may be not.. but who knows ? then we grew up together although we rarely see each other.. and got really close (used to lah).. his place ? when i thought it back kan.. perasaan tu sama ka when i was with you..? if not,,then prasaan tu sma dgn apa? i tried to compare with my brother..and i found the answer.. i loved him as my brother.. thats y u cannot replace him.. thats y i can't forget him..

why i lied?
aku x mau bagi kau harapan eventhough me myself masih berharap.. i want you to focus on your study and i want to focus on my study.. and struggling to be a better person.. commitment towards this relationship should be nanti dulu.. matrikulasi is not easy.. it really need struggle.. i know you will understand if i tell you the truth and not being what you are now.. it was my mistake :( i'm sorry..after this u still have to finish your poli kan? this time.. i will be on your side :) it's a promise *pinky swear*

u know jugak kan bila i got jealous macam mana kan? its a good thing jgak la u did those stuffs.. if not.. ntah bila la i was going to tell you the truth..

erm.. so.. i'm really sorry.. its up to you to make decision.. either u will wait for me until the right time comes or you want to be with that pretty girl.. its fine by me :) *ok thats a lie..not fine k.. seriously not*

i will be right here waiting for you - Richard Marx

adioss ~ goodnight !