I just hate myself.
Why can't i be like anyone else? Why do i seem to be failing in everything i do? Why there isn't one thing that is going the right way in my life except my weight?
Why??? Why can't i have a life like others? Why can't i excel in my studies? Haven't i gave enough effort? But i always get E for effort !
Why is it so hard?? Why i can't become like myself before this? Just, why???? Why can't i be successful like others? Why can't i pass my clinic when everyone does? Why can't i deliver my denture on time? Why did i took 2 hours just to make a simple restoration on a single tooth?? Why?? Why?? When thought i was okay, i performed, it came out the other way round.. why?
Why things never go the way i planned it to be? Why am i losing myself? Why am i a failure? Why others never seem to be failing but all i have done is failing over and over again? Why??
Why did i i lose my interest to study? Why is it so hard for me to wake up in the morning? Why is it so hard for me to live in this city? Why life has never been good to me ever since i came here? Why was i in dentistry on the first place?? Why am i the only one who keeps failing?
Why do i always lost to love? Why to i always fell in love with the wrong one and ended up hurting myself? Am i a fool? Why my friends takes a shorter time to move on while i still can't move on from my ex that has left me 3 years ago and abandoned me for a girl? Why i got betrayed by someone whom i trust so much? Why do they have a better life than i do???
If only those scars, wound and bruises are visible, you will see them all over my body. You will see this girl is fighting with the monsters inside her, by herself.
But alhamdulillah.. i still have my family, the biggest blessing in my life, and of course my supporting friends.
Hope to be out from here soon.
"Disetiap kesulitan pasti ada kemudahan" (94 : 5 & 6)
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