The Happy Pills

Alhamdulillah..lately i'm feeling good about myself. I think baru skrg i can feel that my medication is giving effect towards my brain chemistry ceh..

Yeah, i still thought about my ex, a lot.. but it doesn't reach to the point that will make me rant over it. Not like the other previous nights. It feels so good weh, alhamdulillah.. i wish to have this great feeling longer..

Or perhaps, it's just because professional exam is over and i'm not suppose to be stressed out because of it.. idk.. perhaps thats one the contributing factor, but not the trigger. I just wish that no one will ever mention anything about my ex ever again.. it's okay if i'm the one who's going to mention, but not anyone that is connected to him shall do so. For me he's dead, and that is the only way that could convince myself to get over him, because he's not here in this world anymore. But, if anyone who is connected to him were to say something or update anything about him to me, that will just tumble down the fort that i've been building all this while to keep my sanity in its place.

So, this evening, i went out with Aiza. It was a totally random thing that we did because initially, we were just going out for some laksa with Sabrina before she goes back home tonight. Then suddenly, Aiza out of the blue, wanted to go out. Haha i was wearing my selipar toilet and nasib baik i actually wear soemthing proper hahaha.

We went out to Quill Mall lah, have some nice long chat over some iced mocha and thai green tea. Then we opened up a bit about our current relationship status. Although she's dating our junior, but she said that she no longer longs for her first love, unlike in her previous relationships. I guess, that's one point of maturity reached. While me, it's not like I'm not trying to love again, it's just that, i haven't find someone that could reach that part of my heart that me myself couldn't. Hard, i know, but i know he's somewhere out there.

Okay, i know now i'm actually quite close with this friend, but idk. At one point it's fun talking to him, but i just don't feel like it's going to be more than just a friend. Not even a special friend, like i once considered Musbi when we were getting to know each other.

Omg Musbi what have you freakin done to my heart ?

You broke it so hard sampai i couldn't remember the feeling of being in love.

Fine, lantak la kau sana. You are dead, there is no way to bring you back to live.

As for me, i may continue to build up this wall for my heart, until i found whoever is strong and worthy enough to open the door the the castle lol hahaha punya minta puji 😂


Anyway, Kak Husna, Najah and Athira Azyan are getting married ! Yeayy congratulations to them ❤

Okey, may Firzanah pun will find her own happy ending with that will make her closer to Allah hehehe